Emotions/Confirmation

Sad situation, but I'm still embracing Love
At times like this I'm grateful for the one above

To clean my spirit and make me whole
Renew my mind and save my soul

See it matters cause with out him there is no me
I went from a to b but cant make it to C

You see I'm blinded by a variety, of things in society, that i thought was good for my identity, but the truth is it diagnosed me with anxiety

Overwhelming feelings of what's next, having the thought to make it but not the faith to take it

Taking that journey of real life, not a child anymore, there is things i have to sacrifice, knowing that the decisions I make comes with a price

A price tag that determines my future and predicts the rest
But right now my life is in the hands of life and I'm failing my test

Thought I was bold but the world is so cold that it made me fearful
of the fact
Yet God still sent me a message saying that 10% of your life is what happens and 90% is how you react......

Charita

The Truth



It hurts to know shes pretty,
makes me feel like I had no chance in the beginning
He been over me since we started
How did I miss this
How did my love grow so strong for an empty vessel
Someone whose visions had no images of me
How did I get so tangled in a delusion
So webbed that even now that I know the truth the lie seemed better
The truth doesn't hurt ( PAH YEAH RIGHT)
It can, truth will sting you like a bee
Pierce your heart so sharp your bones will curl
It breaks you and is sometimes unbearable to face
Oh my Lord tell me its not so
Just give me something to hold on to
He did love me, he needed to be there for his children,
in too good for him, he's intimidated by me
well meet again later
Something anything but the truth
Stop letting this clear view of my life taunt me
Stop letting it shoot me with these words,
realities and understandings
It burns, It burns my eyes to picture his happiness with another
My empty belly ruptures when envisioning him
using his feelings , his power of protection
and his persuasion of intimacy embracing another
Please Lord tell the truth to go away
its bringing me UN bearable pains
that goes beyond my physical being
It gives me sympathy for my life
Insecurities of my self
It's exposing the depth of my love
and it hurts it hurts......

Mirror Mirror

Hey Miss Lady,

Why are you so sad

Excuse me for prying

Didn't mean to make you mad

But first may I compliment you on the shoes

Girl they are bad

I'm just curious to know

What angers your soul

Why do you look so mean

When it seems you have everything

Your kind of class and your radiant smile

Your intellegent mind and phenomonal style

Oh I wouldn't understand... well just give it a try

Maybe i experienced my journey just to become your alibi

Did you pick and choose, blind to the rules and never looking back

Stopped all your fun, no longer a nun, even dropped your childish acts

He became your priority you became the minority and things just didn't make sense

Momma said No they ll be plenty mo but you were just convinced

No time for self got someone else's life to make a joy

Rushing and running, pushing and shoving got to get to lover boy

Things start to turn and you re not happy but he have no concern

Don't quite understand this couldn't be the man that makes your feelings burn




Well nobodies perfect

I just need to work with him

After all he knows no better

You know his mother wasn't there

And his father didn't care

So I just want him to know that I'm here

You call his phone

The rings seems long as curiosity ruptures in your belly

Oh he must be busy

Your thoughts get dizzy as you begin to pray

Lord please forgive me

I love him dearly

But need you to show me the way

I try to be there, I rub his hair and ask about his day

Maybe its me I can lose some weight and watch the things I say

Then maybe he'll love me and do something lovely like send some flowers my way

He has the potential if only he can do the things I know he's capable of

As life goes on I lived and learned that its impossible to force love

Miss Lady the man that's in your mind, is not the one that's in your face

It's not you who needs to change but it's him that needs to be replaced....

Ms. Analytical ~~~

who is that man

WHO IS THIS MAN THAT TOUCHES ME EVERY MORNING
SO GRACEFULLY AND STILL

WAKING ME UP, STARTING ME OFF, ENCOURAGING ME TO DO HIS WILL
I TALK TO HIM SOMETIMES AND ASK HIM TO LEAD MY WAY
BUT WHILE I'M STANDING IN THE MIRROR I CAN ONLY SEE MY FACE

WHO IS THIS MAN THAT CONSOLES MY INNER BEING
I'M HEARING HIM, I'M FEELING HIM, BUT YET HE IS UNSEEN

I'VE ASKED HIM FOR THINGS AND SOMETIMES HE DELIVERS RIGHT AWAY
I'VE SHARED DEEP MOMENTS WITH HIM I TRUST HIM TO NEVER SAY

WHO IS THIS MAN THAT MY SPIRIT SEEMS TO THIRST AFTER
THINKING ABOUT HIM, BEING AROUND HIM, WANTING TO BE CAPTURED

HOW IS IT THAT HE LOVES ME AND WHY AM I HIS CHOICE
HE WAS THE ONE THERE THAT NIGHT WHEN I CRIED OUT IN A LOUD VOICE

WHO IS THIS MAN THAT FORGIVES ME WHEN I'M WRONG
WHO CARES FOR ME, GENUINELY, AND GIVES MY SPIRIT A SONG

WHEN MY HEART IS FULL OF SORROW, HE REMINDS ME ABOUT TOMORROW
WHEN LIFE KICKS ME DOWN HE REMINDS ME OF HIS CROWN

WHO IS THIS MAN WHO PROTECTS ME WHEN I MAKE FOOLISH DECISIONS
WHO FIGHTS FOR ME AND GIVES ME PEACE AT NIGHT WHEN I'M ASLEEP

I CAN FEEL HIS PRESENCE FLOATING AROUND ME
I CAN ALMOST TASTE AND TOUCH HIM BUT STILL COULDN'T SEE

I KNOW HE'S A BEAUTIFUL MAN AND I NEVER SEEN HIS FACE
CAN EVEN TELL HE IS WORTHY AND NEVER BEEN IN HIS PLACE

WHO IS THIS MAN THAT I WANT TO GROW WITH AND HAVE NOT SEEN HIS EYES
NEITHER HIS HAIR NOR HIS LIPS, WHERE DOES HIS SECRET LIES........

CHARITA SHANNON

Life ( A Learning Process)

When you go through life knowing...
You learn nothing....


When you recognize that you need to be taught...
You gain knowledge and wisdom...


When you go through life not being aware of who you are...
You do not realize your capabilities...

When you're not sure of yourself...

You become afraid to speak up...

When you put high expectation on anyone but God...

They fail you...

Be glad when people pay attention to your life...

It's when you are being ignored to worry...

Have faith and confidence in yourself....

So you won't depend on others for whom they are...

Knowing your worth at heart before combining you spirit with another....
Is sufficient....

If you are not aware of what you want...
You put up with what you got...


If your mate is to be an image of you...
Then push yourself to your highest standards and stay there...

Getting by is boring...
Earning your title, friends and respect is challenging...

Loving somebody is wonderful...
Having them love you back is priceless...

Having a purpose in life to fufill means that God is ahead of your life...
Living life without a purpose means the devil is on your tail.....

Charita Shannon

MATTERS OF THE HEART (TRUE STUFF)

It felt uneasy and sensitive, like I ate something too cold and it hit my teeth. Every time I tried to walk it felt as if a loose piece of glass was in my foot and I couldnt get it. Trying to touch it was like I had a paper cut and every time I touched the paper I got another cut. OOohhh like every time I went to walk I would hit my toe on the bed frame. I could remember gently holding it and revealing it to a man I once loved. I can see myself explaining the feeling to him and exposing myself to him. I remember allowing him to touch it and as he took his two fingers and gazed across, it stung me. "Ouch" I screamed, looking at his hand wondering what have he touched me with. I still remember squiching my eyes and pulling back, ready to swing but leaving him blameless. "Just be more gentle this time", I opened my hands and exposed it to him repeatedly, he took the same two fingers and touched it again while staring me in the eyes as if he discovered something about me. I yelled "You're hurting me, carressing it and trying to pull back, but his same two fingers are there and he presses again, this time without my permission, he's tugging at it. My knees are buckling, eyes are watering, my voice is cracking, fingers shaking as I'm trying to grab hold to it. I called his name, tried to look him in the eyes to explain to him that the way he was tugging at it was hurting me......... But he didnt stop. There was a hole around my heart.....







Then I woke up and remembered..... I asked God to show me what's to come of this relationship between me and this guy and that's just what he did. Be careful who you expose your heart to.

SETTING BOUNDARIES

I'VE COME TO LEARN THAT WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO GUIDE YOUR LIFE IN ONE DIRECTION, IN A WORLD FULL OF TURNS, YOU MUST ESTABLISH STRUCTURE IN YOUR LIFE. WHO TO LET IN, WHO TO LET OUT, LOVING SOMEONE CLOSE AND LOVING THEM FROM A DISTANCE. HOW TO MANAGE WHAT YOU ALLOW THE EYE TO SEE. WHO DO WE SET BOUNDARIES FOR? SELF OR OTHER PEOPLE? I'M STARTING MY BOUNDARIES FOR SELF. NOW I KNOW WHY I USE TO BEAT UP AND BLAME MY SELF FOR THINGS, BECAUSE I KNEW, HAD I NOT DID THIS THEN, THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPEN. THE devil IS SNEAKY AND HE WILL DECEIVE YOUR MIND IF YOU ALLOW HIM TO. WHEN I USE TO THINK OF HIM I USE TO EXPECT THIS BIG DANGEROUS MONSTER ,WHO IS JUST A DANGER TO THE WORLD. IN A SENSE, I WAS RIGHT ,BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THE devil WAS ONCE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ANGEL IN HEAVEN. NOW I REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE TO SEE THE devil FOR WHO HE IS AND HOW HE WORKS THROUGH PEOPLE. I HAVE TO KNOW THE TRICKS OF THE ENEMY, BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY WHO HE IS AND CALL HIM OUT. I USE TO BE SOO HURT BY THE WAY I ALLOWED CERTAIN PEOPLE TO TREAT ME. AND DIDNT WANT TO SPEAK ON THINGS BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WOULD CHANGE OR WOULD REALIZE HOW THEY WERE HURTING ME. AND THE CRAZY PART IS, SOMETIMES THEY WOULDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WERE HURTING ME OR DIDNT CARE. WHEN I ALLOWED THIS TO GO ON IN MY LIFE UNCONCIOUSLY I WOULD BEGIN TO HURT MY SELF MORE. ACCEPTING THE WAY THEY WERE ABUSING ME MENTALLY. THE MORE THINGS WERE EXPOSED TO MY MIND, THE EASIER IT BECAME FOR ME TO DEAL WITH.

I KNEW DEEP DOWN SOMETHINGS JUST WEREN'T RIGHT BUT GAVE UP MY FIGHT AT ONE POINT, ONLY TO KEEP THE THINGS THAT WAS CONSTANTLY BREAKING ME.(SMH) I AM GLAD FOR CONVICTION OF THE SPRIT BECAUSE IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE I WOULD BE. IT'S FUNNY HOW PEOPLE WILL DO CERTAIN THINGS TO YOU OR AROUND YOU BUT ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT WITH THE NEXT PERSON. TALK A DIFFERENT WAY, WALK A DIFFERENT WAY, HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. YOU HAPPEN TO NOTICE IT AND SAY IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM I BEEN TRYING TO GET THEM TO DO THAT FOREVER", AND HERE THIS PERSON COME AND DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ASK AND THEY GOT IT TOGETHER.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE WITH US? STRUCTURE, BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO TO YOU. IT IS UP TO ME TO HAVE BOUNDARIES FOR MY SELF, TO PROTECT MY SPIRIT, MY FEELING, MY THOUGHTS. TO BE ABLE TO UPHOLD MY SELF IN THE POSITION I WANT TO BE IN. I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR HAPPINESS FOR PEACE AND WHEN GOD GIVES IT TO ME. I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HOLD ON TO IT CAUSE WITH OUT IT IT'S HARD FOR ME TO MAKE IT. WHEN I ALLOW PEOPLE TO COME IN AND RAIN ON MY JOY, THEN GO ON ABOUT THEIR LIFE, I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY GO BACK TO GOD AND ASK HIM FOR THAT PEACE AGAIN, THAT JOY CAUSE I CAN'T FUNCTION. AND YET THE PERSON I ALLOWED TO COME IN AND STEAL MY JOY IS ON TO THE NEXT ONE. I NEED STRUCTURE I NEED BOUNDARIES FOR ME.

THE WAY I'M FEELING DETERMINES THE SETTING OF MY DAY. IF I AM NOT HAPPY OR CONTENT WHERE I AM AT, IT'S EASY TO INFLUENCE ME TO DO THINGS. TAKE THE EASY ROUTE OUT. GODS ALWAYS REMINDS ME THAT I DON'T WANT THAT. I REALIZED THAT IF YOU DON'T HELP YOURSELF AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT FOR YOU TO FUNCTION AND FIGHT YOUR DAILY BATLLES, YOU CAN'T HELP NO ONE ELSE. GOD SAYS THE DO'S AND DON'T'S FOR A REASONS. DONT ALLOW THE EYE TO EXPOSE ANYTHING TO THE MIND, ESPECIALLY THINGS THAT'S REALLY NOT GOOD FOR YOU. SOMETIMES I NEED TO SAY I DON'T MEAN NO HARM BUT I DON'T NEED TO SEE THIS,I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THIS. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO PUSH PEOPLE OUT OF MY LIFE WHO DOESN'T MEAN ANY GOOD BY ME. EVEN THE ONES I LOVE, I HAVE TO LOVE THEM FROM A DISTANCE.

WHY DO I NEED BOUNDARIES FOR SELF? I DO BECAUSE I NEED PROTECT MY SPIRIT, SO THAT IT CAN BE STRONG ENOUGH TO GUIDE MY FLESH. I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LET THE devil USE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO MANIPULATE MY THOUGHTS. YOU MAY NOT NOTICE RIGHT NOW, BUT EVER TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR SELF WHEN YOU'RE FEELING HAPPY. ME PERSONALLY, I SMILE GENUINELY, I SAY NICE THINGS, MY PATIENCE GROWS, I DO NICE THINGS FOR PEOPLE. I FEEL GREAT MY BODY FEELS ALIVE. WHEN I AM NOT HAPPY, I DO THINGS TO HURT MYSELF AND NOT EVEN NOTICE. I LET PEOPLE SAY ANYTHING TO ME, I TEND TO PUT UP WITH NEGATIVITY, I OVER EAT, I DRINK HEAVILY, I TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, YELL AT KYRA (MY DAUGHTER) ,I'M FULL OF FRUSTRATION. MY PATIENCE DECREASE AND I SLEEP A LOT AND STILL WAKE UP TIRED, ABUSING MY SELF AND NOT EVEN REALIZING IT.

I THEN GO TO GOD AND CONFESS AND HE RENEWS MY SPIRT. (THANK YOU GOD). I GET TIRED THOUGH OF SITTING DOWN LIKE A PUNK FOR THE devil AND ALLOWING HIM TO USE PEOPLE TO ABUSE MY SPIRIT, RAPE MY FLESH, AND STEAL MY JOY. I STARTED SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR MY SELF NOT TO GET LOST IN SIN. A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING ON THEIR OWN, SAYING I WILL NEVER BE A HYPE OR I WILL NEVER END UP LIKE HIM OR HER. THE TRUTH IS IF YOU DON'T START CONTROLLING YOU ACTIONS AND THE THINGS THAT YOU EXPOSE TO THE MIND NOW, YOU CAN VERY WELL BE JUST LIKE THAT PERSON. DID YOU THINK THEY KNEW THEY WERE GOING TO END UP THAT WAY. THEY PROBABLY TRIED IT ONE TIME AND IT FELT SO GOOD TO THE BODY THAT THEY CAN'T STOP WANTING IT NOW. THEY KNOW IT'S NOT GOOD FOR THEM. THEY KNEW IT WAS BEFORE THEY TRIED IT BUT SOME HOW THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD CONTROL. I MEAN THAT GOES FOR ANYTHING, DRUGS, FOOD, LIQUOR , SEX, CIGARETTES, GOSSIP, LUST, CANDY, GAMBLING, THROWING UP YOUR FOOD. ANYTHING.

THE devil IS A LIAR. HE COMES TO KILL ,STEAL AND DESTROY. KILL YOU RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, STEAL YOUR JOY FROM THE SPIRIT, AND DESTROY YOUR SOUL. DO YOU THINK IF YOU ARE HAPPY, YOU WOULD CHANGE YOUR WAYS... NO THAT'S WHY HE HAVE TO TAKE THAT HAPPINESS AWAY TO MAKE THE SPIRIT WEAK. I USE TO FALL FOR IT A LOT. I KNOW NOW THOUGH, I HAVE TO SET BOUNDARIES FOR MY SELF TO KEEP ME FROM FALLING IN THE devil's DITCH. IT'S EASIER SAID THEN DONE BUT WHEN YOUR MIND IS MADE UP AND YOURE TIRED OF PEOPLE RAINING ON YOUR PARADE, PULLING YOU OFF YOUR SQUARE, AND HURTING YOUR EELINGS. YOU'LL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER TO KEEP YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. AND HOPE THAT THEY GET THERES TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW I LOOK AT MYSELF AND OTHERS SOMETIMES. IT'S LIKE A LOOSE, LOOSE SITUATION FOR ME TO TRY TO PLAY IN THE devil's COURT YARD WITH A SPIRIT OF GOD. I DON'T BELONG THERE, THERES NO TRUE LOVE TO RECIPROCATE THERE, THERE IS NO FAITH, THERE'S NO HOPE, NO TRUTH. HOW DO I PLAN TO MAKE IT THERE IT'S LIKE BEING AN HONEST GANGBANGER OR A SINNER WITH MANNERS. IT JUST DON'T WORK. I CAN'T SERVE TWO MASTERS. OR CONNECT WITH PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE AS ME. IT'S BAD INFLUENCE, TOO COMFORTABLE FOR ME TO SIN. BOUNDARIES ARE NEEDED TO KEEP THE devil OUT OF MY LIFE. TO KEEP GROWING EVIL SPIRITS OFF OF MY BACK, TO KEEP MY SPIRIT FUNCTIONING, HAPPY AND CLEAN. I LOVE SMILING DAILY BEING ABLE TO REFLECT ON THE THINGS THAT GOD PROVIDES IN MY LIFE. TRUE JOY, THERE JUST BECAUSE GOD SITS ON THE THORNE. NOTHING SPECTACULAR HAD TO HAPPEN, I'M NOT SMILING BECAUSE I GOT A CHECK OR MY BOYFRIEND WAS OVER LAST NIGHT BUT THAT JOY YOU HAVE JUST BECAUSE GOD STILL SITS ON THE THRONE. IMAGINE THAT!!!!!