Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE
I can remember (and I dont remember much) back at the end of 2010, I said "dang a whole year is about to be over." It seemed to go by so fast and I didnt feel like I accomplished much in my life. This is not for symphathy "i'm trying to tell you a story" (In my Bernie Mac voice). The usual question was flowing in the air " What is your New Year's Resolution?". People would say the ""usual" losing weight, deleting friends, not smoking, not drinking and so on. I know this because I am one of the "usuals". Year after year I would protest that for the New Year I would stop smoking and drinking and would lose weight: and year after year I gained weight spent more on cigarettes and my liquor tolerance definitely increased. Sad but true. Dont laugh "Im trying to tell you a story". The thing that I desired took more than a statement which was all I was making at the time. At the time, I enjoyed drinking, smoking and eating when ever and how ever much I wanted. It didnt seem to hurt anyone but me and sooner or later the hangover would leave and I was back on the scene. I spent years of my life thinking that for me this was happiness. Yes I knew about God and actually seeked for him but he was too complicated and boring for me. You couldnt do anything and had to turn the other cheek when people slap you and stuff. It just didnt seem realistic to me, my lack of understanding kept me in bondage for years. You see at the time I was seeking and expecting the wrong things. I wanted to see this big cloud come down and say "CHARITA I AM GOD AND I WANT YOU TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE "... THEN I WOULD SAY OKAY I CHOOSE GOD. Because it didnt happen that way at the time I just did me for a while still felt the hunger for God but just didnt apply my self to be fed. Year after year I repeated my actions this was fun to me getting dunk laughing and acting silly , talking about people and hanging out. It use to be tons of us and nothing but fun everynight. As time passed by it seemed as if that happiness was snatched away from me. I lost my passion, I started doing things drunk that I would have never done sober (some of yall know what I mean) You wake up like Oh My God I Cant Believe It! Dont laugh "im trying to tell a story". I felt like I was losing myself not caring about things like I should. Everytime I came in my grandma use to be like "thats a Damn shame Charita you need to get yourself together." I was drunk, I use to mumble something back and she would say girl take yo drunk a** to sleep." So true... more to tell but such little time . To make a long story short in the year of 2010 when the "usual" came around Whats your New Year's Resolution? I stated that I was going to put more effort into God and see where it gets me. I went to church more I prayed more and I learned more. Glory be to God I'm stronger and I'm wiser. I do not drink or smoke!!! I got my purpose! I inspire and work with children to know God and I have a relationship with him. You see my life have changed starting with my thoughts,I dont cherish the liquor and the cigarettes but I do cherish the smiles and the memories that I have daily, That's where my happiness lies. I wake up with no regrets and I stand to Say the devil is a liar you dont need things to make you happy (this could be anything it dont just apply to smokers or drinkers I just based it on my life) especially cause the devil is gonna strip you from it anyway it's all a lie. All you need is God give him a try for the New Year!!! Oh and were still working on the weight thing, since I quit I desire sweets.. Dont laugh it aint funny "IM TRYING TO TELL A STORY " TRY GOD THERE ARE GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS BUT HE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT MADE A PROMISE .