LETTING GO

WOW THE AFFECTS OF MUSIC!!! I SAT IN MY SISTER'S CAR YESTERDAY READING, STARTING WITH PSALMS( WHICH IS A GOOD BOOK TO START OFF READING). I READ FOR A WHILE, THEN I STARTED LISTENING TO THE MUSIC SHE WAS PLAYING. ALL THE JAMS FROM THE OLDIES TO THE GOODIES. EVERY SONG SWAYED A MEMORY AND I EITHER STARTED REMINISING ON THE OLD DAYS OR MISSING THE MAN WHOSE NO LONGER IN MY LIFE. ONE SONG I BEGAN TO FEEL SAD, ANOTHER HAPPY, THE OTHER ONE SPITEFUL ANOTHER ONE READY. EVERY MORNING WHEN I WAKE UP I MOSTLY PLAY "IT AINT OVER" AND MARY MARY "IT'S THE GOD IN ME". THOSE SONGS JUST INSPIRES ME IN THE MORNING REGARDLESS OF WHAT'S BEEN OR WHAT' S TO COME. THE MIND HAS TO BE A POWERFUL OBJECT BECAUSE DEPENDING ON WHAT I STORE THERE, CONTROLS HOW I FEEL. I LAID MY HEAD BACK ON A COUPLE OF SONGS THINKING ABOUT MY EX AND THINKING ABOUT HOW FUN THOSE DAYS WERE. SHOULD I LIVE BASED ON MY PAST? HOW DO I LET THE PAST GO? I KNOW THE BIBLE SAYS DONT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW FOR TOMORROW WORRIES ABOUT ITSELF. BUT WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT YESTERDAY? SHOULD I WONDER IF I'M EVER GOING TO GET BACK WITH THE MAN I LOVE? SHOULD I WONDER IF HE LOVED ME? SHOULD I WONDER IF MY CHILDS FATHER IS EVER GOING TO BE A FATHER TO HER? I'M THINKING TO MYSELF NO BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT BUT WHAT DOES GOD SAY? NATURALLY I WORRY BUT THE CRAZY PART IS I'M JUST REALIZING THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER NOTHING BUT WHAT GOD GAVE ME AND THAT'S CHOICE OVER MY LIFE. WHY DO I WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS I CAN'T CONTROL ,BUT NOT ABOUT THE THINGS THAT I CAN? SOMETIMES I FEEL SO STUPID FOR THE CHOICES I MADE IN THE PAST WITH MEN. AND IT'S SEEMS SO HARD FOR ME TO GET OVER THIS ONE. I USE TO ALWAYS SAY DID HE REALLY LOVE ME? WHAT IS LOVE? HOW IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO WORK WITH? I KNOW IM A GOOD WOMAN I KNOW I HAVE FLAWS TOO BUT WORKABLE ONES. I HAD TO ASK MYSELF WHY AM I CHASING SOMETHING THAT I KNOW IS NOT GOOD FOR ME. I ALWAYS SEEN GOOD IN HIM I THINK THAT HE HAVE A GOOD HEART BUT HIS GOOD POTENTIALS WASN'T FOR ME. I GUESS HE SAVED THEM FOR THE WOMAN HE'S WITH NOW. ALTHOUGH WE ARE NOT TOGETHER I STILL LOVE HIM AND PRAY THAT HE KEEPS GOD IN HIS HEART, BUT WHY AND WHAT AM I HOLDING ON TO? SERIOUSLY IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS MY DREAM GUY.. LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY, SENT ME FLOWERS, SPOILED ME, WENT TO CHURCH WITH ME, TOOK ME ON DATES. WE DID HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL THOUGH WE TALKED, ARGUED AND PARTIED TOGETHER BUT FROM WHAT I CAN SEE HE WAS SEEKING JUST LIKE I WAS. I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIS POTENTIALS THAT I SEEN HE COULD BE AND THE MORE I TRIED TO GET HIM TO BECOME THAT THE WORST IT BECAME. I SOMETIMES THINK LIKE IT'S OKAY I'M GOOD, I KNOW I AM A GOOD WOMAN. I KNOW THAT I WILL SUCEED IN LIFE, I KNOW THAT I WILL MEET SOMEONE WHO AGREES WITH ME. BUT THE TRUTH IS WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE I STILL MISS HIM, WILL STILL TAKE HIM BACK KNOWING DEEP DOWN THAT IT WOULDN'T WORK FOR US UNLESS WE CHANGE. WHY IS THAT? WHAT AM I HOLDING ON TOO? HOW COME IF I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER THEN I SETTE FOR LESS. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE OLD DAYS WHEN MEN AND WOMEN USE TO DATE AND EVEN IF THEY WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP THEY DIDNT HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER. WHEN THEY REALLY WANTED TO BE WITH EACHOTHER WHEN THEY WERE IN LOVE THE MAN PROPOSED? WHY IS IT SO MUCH DIFFERENT NOW? HOW CAN PEOPLE JUST KNOWING MESS OVER A WOMANS HEART AND DON'T HAVE ANY REMORSE.WITH HIM I FELT LIKE I HAD A SECOND JOB CATERING, BUT WASNT RECEIVING NOTHING IN RETURN BUT TO SAY I HAVE A MAN. BACK THEN WHEN THE WIFE HAD THOSE DUTIES OF COOKING , CLEANING AND DOING THE LAUNDRY, BATHEING THEIR HUSBANDS. THE MEN BROUGHT IN THE INCOME SO THAT MADE SINCE BUT NOW DAYS YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THAT AND WORK JUST AS MANY HOURS AS THEY DO. HOW IS THAT FAIR I GET TIRED TOO, I WOULD LIKE FOR MY BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND TO COOK FOR ME ONE DAY. WHY AM I CHASING SOMEONE WHO DON'T WANT TO BE CAUGHT? WHY DO I DEGRADE MY SELF TO PUT UP WITH SOMEONE WHO MAY NOT EVEN LOVE ME. I HAVE NEEDS, I NEED A MAN WHOSE PREPARED TO BECOME A HUSBAND AS WELL AS A FATHER. I COME IN A PAIR JAKYRA AND I. I NEED A MAN WHO LOVES GOD AND NOT ONLY HIMSELF. I DON'T KNOW IF IM PREPARED YET BUT I DEFINITELY KNOW THAT I AM TIRED OF HOLDING ON TO MESS. I KNOW NOW THAT GOD HAVE A BETTER PLAN FOR ME, AND NO GOOD THING WILL HE HOLD FROM ME AND I HAVE TO LEARN TO TRUST THAT AND TO WAIT ON GOD. I WANT THE LOVE THAT HE DESCRIBE IN THE BIBLE ABOUT LOVE BEING PATIENCE, CARING AND WHAT LOVE IS NOT. I ONCE READ THAT "IF A MAN WANTS YOU THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO PUSH HIM AWAY, AND IF A MAN DOESN'T WANT YOU THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE HIM STAY".