SETTING BOUNDARIES

I'VE COME TO LEARN THAT WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO GUIDE YOUR LIFE IN ONE DIRECTION, IN A WORLD FULL OF TURNS, YOU MUST ESTABLISH STRUCTURE IN YOUR LIFE. WHO TO LET IN, WHO TO LET OUT, LOVING SOMEONE CLOSE AND LOVING THEM FROM A DISTANCE. HOW TO MANAGE WHAT YOU ALLOW THE EYE TO SEE. WHO DO WE SET BOUNDARIES FOR? SELF OR OTHER PEOPLE? I'M STARTING MY BOUNDARIES FOR SELF. NOW I KNOW WHY I USE TO BEAT UP AND BLAME MY SELF FOR THINGS, BECAUSE I KNEW, HAD I NOT DID THIS THEN, THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPEN. THE devil IS SNEAKY AND HE WILL DECEIVE YOUR MIND IF YOU ALLOW HIM TO. WHEN I USE TO THINK OF HIM I USE TO EXPECT THIS BIG DANGEROUS MONSTER ,WHO IS JUST A DANGER TO THE WORLD. IN A SENSE, I WAS RIGHT ,BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THE devil WAS ONCE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ANGEL IN HEAVEN. NOW I REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE TO SEE THE devil FOR WHO HE IS AND HOW HE WORKS THROUGH PEOPLE. I HAVE TO KNOW THE TRICKS OF THE ENEMY, BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY WHO HE IS AND CALL HIM OUT. I USE TO BE SOO HURT BY THE WAY I ALLOWED CERTAIN PEOPLE TO TREAT ME. AND DIDNT WANT TO SPEAK ON THINGS BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WOULD CHANGE OR WOULD REALIZE HOW THEY WERE HURTING ME. AND THE CRAZY PART IS, SOMETIMES THEY WOULDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WERE HURTING ME OR DIDNT CARE. WHEN I ALLOWED THIS TO GO ON IN MY LIFE UNCONCIOUSLY I WOULD BEGIN TO HURT MY SELF MORE. ACCEPTING THE WAY THEY WERE ABUSING ME MENTALLY. THE MORE THINGS WERE EXPOSED TO MY MIND, THE EASIER IT BECAME FOR ME TO DEAL WITH.

I KNEW DEEP DOWN SOMETHINGS JUST WEREN'T RIGHT BUT GAVE UP MY FIGHT AT ONE POINT, ONLY TO KEEP THE THINGS THAT WAS CONSTANTLY BREAKING ME.(SMH) I AM GLAD FOR CONVICTION OF THE SPRIT BECAUSE IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR THAT I DON'T KNOW WHERE I WOULD BE. IT'S FUNNY HOW PEOPLE WILL DO CERTAIN THINGS TO YOU OR AROUND YOU BUT ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT WITH THE NEXT PERSON. TALK A DIFFERENT WAY, WALK A DIFFERENT WAY, HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENTLY. YOU HAPPEN TO NOTICE IT AND SAY IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM I BEEN TRYING TO GET THEM TO DO THAT FOREVER", AND HERE THIS PERSON COME AND DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ASK AND THEY GOT IT TOGETHER.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE WITH US? STRUCTURE, BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO TO YOU. IT IS UP TO ME TO HAVE BOUNDARIES FOR MY SELF, TO PROTECT MY SPIRIT, MY FEELING, MY THOUGHTS. TO BE ABLE TO UPHOLD MY SELF IN THE POSITION I WANT TO BE IN. I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR HAPPINESS FOR PEACE AND WHEN GOD GIVES IT TO ME. I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HOLD ON TO IT CAUSE WITH OUT IT IT'S HARD FOR ME TO MAKE IT. WHEN I ALLOW PEOPLE TO COME IN AND RAIN ON MY JOY, THEN GO ON ABOUT THEIR LIFE, I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY GO BACK TO GOD AND ASK HIM FOR THAT PEACE AGAIN, THAT JOY CAUSE I CAN'T FUNCTION. AND YET THE PERSON I ALLOWED TO COME IN AND STEAL MY JOY IS ON TO THE NEXT ONE. I NEED STRUCTURE I NEED BOUNDARIES FOR ME.

THE WAY I'M FEELING DETERMINES THE SETTING OF MY DAY. IF I AM NOT HAPPY OR CONTENT WHERE I AM AT, IT'S EASY TO INFLUENCE ME TO DO THINGS. TAKE THE EASY ROUTE OUT. GODS ALWAYS REMINDS ME THAT I DON'T WANT THAT. I REALIZED THAT IF YOU DON'T HELP YOURSELF AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT FOR YOU TO FUNCTION AND FIGHT YOUR DAILY BATLLES, YOU CAN'T HELP NO ONE ELSE. GOD SAYS THE DO'S AND DON'T'S FOR A REASONS. DONT ALLOW THE EYE TO EXPOSE ANYTHING TO THE MIND, ESPECIALLY THINGS THAT'S REALLY NOT GOOD FOR YOU. SOMETIMES I NEED TO SAY I DON'T MEAN NO HARM BUT I DON'T NEED TO SEE THIS,I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THIS. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO PUSH PEOPLE OUT OF MY LIFE WHO DOESN'T MEAN ANY GOOD BY ME. EVEN THE ONES I LOVE, I HAVE TO LOVE THEM FROM A DISTANCE.

WHY DO I NEED BOUNDARIES FOR SELF? I DO BECAUSE I NEED PROTECT MY SPIRIT, SO THAT IT CAN BE STRONG ENOUGH TO GUIDE MY FLESH. I CAN'T CONTINUE TO LET THE devil USE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO MANIPULATE MY THOUGHTS. YOU MAY NOT NOTICE RIGHT NOW, BUT EVER TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR SELF WHEN YOU'RE FEELING HAPPY. ME PERSONALLY, I SMILE GENUINELY, I SAY NICE THINGS, MY PATIENCE GROWS, I DO NICE THINGS FOR PEOPLE. I FEEL GREAT MY BODY FEELS ALIVE. WHEN I AM NOT HAPPY, I DO THINGS TO HURT MYSELF AND NOT EVEN NOTICE. I LET PEOPLE SAY ANYTHING TO ME, I TEND TO PUT UP WITH NEGATIVITY, I OVER EAT, I DRINK HEAVILY, I TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, YELL AT KYRA (MY DAUGHTER) ,I'M FULL OF FRUSTRATION. MY PATIENCE DECREASE AND I SLEEP A LOT AND STILL WAKE UP TIRED, ABUSING MY SELF AND NOT EVEN REALIZING IT.

I THEN GO TO GOD AND CONFESS AND HE RENEWS MY SPIRT. (THANK YOU GOD). I GET TIRED THOUGH OF SITTING DOWN LIKE A PUNK FOR THE devil AND ALLOWING HIM TO USE PEOPLE TO ABUSE MY SPIRIT, RAPE MY FLESH, AND STEAL MY JOY. I STARTED SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR MY SELF NOT TO GET LOST IN SIN. A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING ON THEIR OWN, SAYING I WILL NEVER BE A HYPE OR I WILL NEVER END UP LIKE HIM OR HER. THE TRUTH IS IF YOU DON'T START CONTROLLING YOU ACTIONS AND THE THINGS THAT YOU EXPOSE TO THE MIND NOW, YOU CAN VERY WELL BE JUST LIKE THAT PERSON. DID YOU THINK THEY KNEW THEY WERE GOING TO END UP THAT WAY. THEY PROBABLY TRIED IT ONE TIME AND IT FELT SO GOOD TO THE BODY THAT THEY CAN'T STOP WANTING IT NOW. THEY KNOW IT'S NOT GOOD FOR THEM. THEY KNEW IT WAS BEFORE THEY TRIED IT BUT SOME HOW THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD CONTROL. I MEAN THAT GOES FOR ANYTHING, DRUGS, FOOD, LIQUOR , SEX, CIGARETTES, GOSSIP, LUST, CANDY, GAMBLING, THROWING UP YOUR FOOD. ANYTHING.

THE devil IS A LIAR. HE COMES TO KILL ,STEAL AND DESTROY. KILL YOU RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, STEAL YOUR JOY FROM THE SPIRIT, AND DESTROY YOUR SOUL. DO YOU THINK IF YOU ARE HAPPY, YOU WOULD CHANGE YOUR WAYS... NO THAT'S WHY HE HAVE TO TAKE THAT HAPPINESS AWAY TO MAKE THE SPIRIT WEAK. I USE TO FALL FOR IT A LOT. I KNOW NOW THOUGH, I HAVE TO SET BOUNDARIES FOR MY SELF TO KEEP ME FROM FALLING IN THE devil's DITCH. IT'S EASIER SAID THEN DONE BUT WHEN YOUR MIND IS MADE UP AND YOURE TIRED OF PEOPLE RAINING ON YOUR PARADE, PULLING YOU OFF YOUR SQUARE, AND HURTING YOUR EELINGS. YOU'LL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER TO KEEP YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. AND HOPE THAT THEY GET THERES TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW I LOOK AT MYSELF AND OTHERS SOMETIMES. IT'S LIKE A LOOSE, LOOSE SITUATION FOR ME TO TRY TO PLAY IN THE devil's COURT YARD WITH A SPIRIT OF GOD. I DON'T BELONG THERE, THERES NO TRUE LOVE TO RECIPROCATE THERE, THERE IS NO FAITH, THERE'S NO HOPE, NO TRUTH. HOW DO I PLAN TO MAKE IT THERE IT'S LIKE BEING AN HONEST GANGBANGER OR A SINNER WITH MANNERS. IT JUST DON'T WORK. I CAN'T SERVE TWO MASTERS. OR CONNECT WITH PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE AS ME. IT'S BAD INFLUENCE, TOO COMFORTABLE FOR ME TO SIN. BOUNDARIES ARE NEEDED TO KEEP THE devil OUT OF MY LIFE. TO KEEP GROWING EVIL SPIRITS OFF OF MY BACK, TO KEEP MY SPIRIT FUNCTIONING, HAPPY AND CLEAN. I LOVE SMILING DAILY BEING ABLE TO REFLECT ON THE THINGS THAT GOD PROVIDES IN MY LIFE. TRUE JOY, THERE JUST BECAUSE GOD SITS ON THE THORNE. NOTHING SPECTACULAR HAD TO HAPPEN, I'M NOT SMILING BECAUSE I GOT A CHECK OR MY BOYFRIEND WAS OVER LAST NIGHT BUT THAT JOY YOU HAVE JUST BECAUSE GOD STILL SITS ON THE THRONE. IMAGINE THAT!!!!!