HAVING A PLAN

IT'S FUNNY HOW WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE EXPOSING THINGS ABOUT SELF YOU SEEM TO BE MORE CAUTIOUS OF THE THINGS YOU SAY AND DO KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT IT. YESTERDAY MY GRAND MOTHER CALLED AND I WAS ABOUT TO TELL MY FRIEND TO TELL HER I JUST LEFT OUT (SAD BUT TRUE) BUT INSTANTLY I CAUGHT MYSELF AND JUST GOT THE PHONE. THAT'S SIMILIAR TO THE WAY I DO GOD . I WANT TO BE BOTHERED WHEN I WANT TO BE BOTHERED, LIKE I'M IN CONTROL. I WAS TALKING TO A CLOSE FRIEND LAST NIGHT AND SHE ASKED ME IF I BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE. AND I SAID YES SHE THEN SAID WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE I EXPLAINED TO HER THAT I BELIEVE THAT GOD SITS ON THE THRONE AND IN THE END WE WIN. SHE STATED, IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD AND YOU KNOW THAT HE IS OMNIPRESENT (EVERYWHERE) AND YOU BELIEVE THIS IS TRUE THEN WHY DO YOU HIDE SO MUCH FROM PEOPLE WHEN GOD STANDS RIGHT THERE WHEN YOU'RE DOING THE THINGS YOU TRY TO HIDE ? GOOD QUESTION WOW........ I'VE DONE A LOT OF THINGS THAT I WOULD NEVER WANT TO EXPOSE TO PEOPLE BUT NEVER THOUGHT TO CARE ABOUT EXPOSING THEM TO GOD I KNEW IN THE BACK OF MY MIND THAT GOD KNOWS IT ALL BUT NEVER TRULY BELIEVED IN HIS PRESENCE TO AN EXTENT....... THEN AGAIN I LOOK AT THINGS LIKE THIS WHEN YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS WATCHING THAT YOU TRUST AND YOU KNOW UNDERSTANDS YOU IT IS EASIER FOR YOU TO EXPOSE YOUR TRUE SELF TO THEM. HOW COULD YOU HIDE SOMETHING FROM AN ALL KNOWING GOD? WHY DO I STILL DO THINGS KNOWING THAT GOD DOESNT APPROVE? HONESTLY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT WITH THE INFORMATION I REVEAL TO HIM HE GOING TO TAKE IT AND DO GOOD WITH IT. I KNOW THAT WHEN I GO TO GOD AND SAY I'M A LIAR I DRINK TOO MUCH AND I FORNICATE I KNOW IT'S NOT RIGHT BUT I STILL DO IT I CANT HELP IT RIGHT NOW AND I JUST TALK TO HIM CONTINUING TO SAY LORD I AM JEALOUS OF CERTAIN THINGS SOMETIMES EVEN THOUGH I LIKE CERTAIN PEOPLE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT THEM AND I KNOW IT'S WRONG BUT I CAN'T STOP IT HELP ME LORD. WHAT DO YOU THINK GOD WILL DO WITH THAT INFORMATION VERSES MAN. I FEEL THAT THE LORD I'M SHARING MY INFORMATION WITH IT'S SAFE WITH HIM. IMAGINE STATING THAT TO MAN. HELL IN THE BACK OF THEIR MINDS WHAT DO YOU THINK THERE SAYING. YOU SEE THEM THE NEXT DAY ESPECIALLY THE BOLD ONES, EVEN AFTER YOU DONE POURED YOUR HEART OUT ABOUT THE THINGS YOU ARE NOT PROUD OF, THEY REMIND YOU OF THEM. "DON'T BE TALKING ABOUT ME IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD EITHER CAUSE I KNOW YOU" "OR THEY BE THINKING I WONDER WHAT SHE BE DOING THAT SHE DONT WANT EXPOSED OR WHO SHE BEEN WITH AND WHY IS SHE CRYING TO ME IT BET NOT BEEN MY MAN" LOL HUMANS WELL SOME HUMANS MANIPULATE AND MISUSE INFORMATION GIVEN TO THEM (WELL US) THAT'S WHY I GUESS I WOULD RATHER EXPOSE MY SELF TO GOD (SOUNDS SELFISH BUT TRUE) I KNOW THAT GOD IS NOT PLEASED WITH THE THINGS THAT I DO BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT ALL SINS ARE EQUAL AND I SERVE A FORGIVING AND UNDERSTANDING GOD. THE SCARY PART IS THAT I KNOW THAT IT IS WRONG TO KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT AND CONTINUE TO DO WRONG. I KNOW I HAVE TO CHANGE BEFORE GOD KNOCK ME DOWN. ONE DAY I HAVE TO GIVE UP THE EXCUSES. I KNOW THAT HE CAN CHANGE ME BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT FAITH WITH OUT WORKS IS DEAD. I HAVE TO CHOOSE TO LOVE AND OBEY GOD. BUT ME SPEAKING IS NOT THE PROBLEM I CAN SPEAK FOR DAYS TO MY SELF TO GOD TO ANYBODY THAT LISTENS BUT HEARING WHAT GOD SAYS IN RETURN IS MY PROBLEM. EVERY ONE SAYS LISTEN TO HIS VOICE IT'S A SMALL STILL VOICE. HELL I HEAR THREE VOICES AND THEY ALL SOUND ALIKE JUST SAYS DIFFERENT THINGS. I USE TO TELL MY PASTOR THAT IT FEELS LIKE I HAVE BATTLES WITH IN MYSELF IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SAY BUT I HAD TO EXPOSE THE TRUTH TO GET MY ANSWERS. I TOLD HIM THAT WHEN I BE SITTING IN CHURCH ALTHOUGH I BE THERE TO PRAISE AND TALK TO THE LORD IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I BE CURSING AND DEFINITELY THINKING THINGS THAT I SHOULDN'T BE THINKING LIKE WHAT HAPPEN THE NIGHT BEFORE OR EVEN TRIPPING OUT ON PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH AND WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT HE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT THEIR ARE THREE PARTS TO THE BODY THE FLESH, THE SPIRIT AND THE SOUL. THEY ALL LIVE IN ME AND MY FLESH IS THE WEAKEST LINK AND THAT I HAVE TO LEARN TO CONTROL IT. I HAVE TO TEACH IT TO LISTEN TO MY SPIRIT VOICE MY GOOD VOICE THAT CRIES OUT FOR GOD. HAVE YOU EVERY DEEP INSIDE JUST FELT LIKE CRYING OUT TO GOD LIKE SOMETHING INSIDE OF YOU JUST WANT TO RUN, SCREAM OR JUST SHOUT FOR GOD LIKE SOMETHING WAS TRAP INSIDE OF YOU AND WANTED TO COME OUT. YOU JUST KEPT YOUR COMPOSURE AND TRIED TO BE CALM OR JUST SAT THERE AND CRIED. I FEEL THAT LIKE IT'S A THIRST FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS. EVERY BODY WANTS IT I KNOW, I SAT AROUND LAST NIGHT WITH NOTHING TO DO I CALLED EVERYBODY TRYING TO SEE WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THEIR LIVES. MY SISTER SAID I WAS THE POLICE. LOL I THOUGHT TO READ THE BIBLE BUT THEN MADE AN EXCUSE AND SAID I'M GOING TO TAKE A NAP FIRST THEN WAKE UP AND READ... RIGHT INSTEAD I ENDED UP GOING TO GET MY DRINKING BUDDIES AND COOKED SOME CHICKEN FETTUCINNI AND TEXAS TOAST GARLIC BREAD WITH THE FIVE CHEESES ( WHICH WAS DELICIOUS BY THE WAY) WE SAT AROUND AND DRANK AND GOSSIPPED AND I SAT BACK AND THOUGHT TO MYSELF LIKE THESE ARE THE VERY THINGS THAT I SHOULDN'T BE DOING HOW DID I SET MY SELF UP TO GET HERE AGAIN. I SAID MAN I GOT TO TELL THAT I DID THIS TOMORROW . I SAID NALL MAYBE I WILL PICK ANOTHER SUBJECT AND NOT MENTIONED IT BUT THEN AGAIN I SAID I GOT TO TELL THE TRUTH AS I SEE IT. ONE OF MY FRIENDS JUST SAT BACK AND SAID I NEED TO GO TO CHURCH AND AT THAT VERY MOMENT IT CLICKED TO ME THAT INSTEAD OF ME SITTING THERE DRINKING WITH THEM I COULD HAVE BEEN STUDYING THE WORD WITH THEM BECAUSE IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE IT BUT EVERYBODY IS SEEKING TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. I FELT BAD THINKING OF THE INFLUENCE ON THINGS THAT I EXPOSE TO PEOPLE. I GET IT NOW THAT IT SAYS LIVE BY EXAMPLE ...YOU CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE BUT YOU SURE CAN INFLUENCE THEM. I GET WHERE I WENT WRONG AT I HAD NO PLAN. I SEE MY SELF BEING SOMEBODY YEARS DOWN THE LINE BUT HAVEN'T GOT A PLAN ON TAKING THOSE STEPS TO GET THEIR. I ENDED UP CHOOSING TO DRINK LAST NIGHT CAUSE I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO DO. AN IDLE MIND IS THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP HUH. I HAVE TO HAVE A DAILY PLAN FOR MY LIFE. I WAISTED A WHOLE DAY THAT I COULD HAVE USE TO ALLOW GOD TO BETTER ME AS A PERSON. (ALTHOUGH HE STILL REVEALED THINGS) THERE WERE POSITIVE THINGS THAT I COULD HAVE DONE LIKE CALLED MY GRANDMOTHER TO SEE HOW SHE WAS FEELING AND PRAYED FOR HER (CARING) I COULD HAVE WENT TO PICK MY DAUGHTHER UP AND BROUGHT HER HOME WITH ME TO SPEND SOME MOMMY AND DAUGHTHER TIME TOGETHER (EVEN THOUGH SHE WORKS MY NERVE JESUS) COOKED FOR HER AND MY NEIGHBORS. (SHARING) I COULD HAVE SPENT AN HOUR WITH GOD TO GET TO KNOW HIM AND TO GET FAMILIAR WITH HIS WORD SO THAT I COULD FORM THAT RELATIONSHIP THAT I AM CRAVING TO HAVE WITH HIM (SEEKING) I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING THAT MATTERED.