LETTING GOD WORK WITH SELF

I AM A YOUNG WOMAN. I HAVE ONE DAUGHTER. I AM A SINGLE PARENT WHO LIVE ALONE AND HAVE A FULL TIME JOB WORKING WITH PEOPLE. I HAVE A HEART FOR THE LORD (ALTHOUGH I CONSTANLY HAVE TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS) A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY A CERTIFICATE FOR FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGY AND AM PLANNING TO CONTINUE TO GO TO SCHOOL TO BECOME A WRITER. I STRUGGLE A LOT WITH STABILTY IN MY LIFE AND SEEKING TO HEAR FROM GOD. THIS BLOG HAVE BEEN ON MY HEART TO DO. I KNOW I HAVE A JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE AND ALL THOUGH THE WORLD SEEMS DESTRUCTED I KNOW THAT GOD'S PEOPLE STILL EXIST AND HE SITS ON THE THRONE. RIGHT NOW I CAN'T REALLY SAY WHAT I HOPE TO COME FROM THIS OR WHO MY AUDIENCE WILL BE OR EVEN IF I WILL HAVE ANY BUT I INTEND TO WRITE HERE DAILY WITH THE TRUTH OF MY LIFE TO EXPOSE MY SELF AND MY JOURNEY TO THE WORLD. ALSO TO HELP ME SEEK AND FIND MY TRUTH. I REALLY DONT LIKE TO BE JUDGED BUT I AM READY TO EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED FROM PEOPLE. IT MAY SOUND AS IF I AM DOING GREAT IN LIFE BUT I STRUGGLE WITH SELF DAILY AND WITH WHO I AM AND WANT TO BECOME. I WANT TO BECOME SOMEONE GREAT IN THE LORD AND DOING THE LORD'S WORK HERE BUT WHO I WANT TO BECOME AND WHO I AM NOW ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE MAYBE THREE. SOMETIMES PEOPLE THINK I AM STRANGE, WEIRD, OR EVEN THIS GREAT PERSON. I MYSELF ALTHOUGH I HAVE CONFINDENCE IN WHO I CAN BE I DON'T THINK I'M ANY OF THOSE. MAYBE IM THE PECUILAR PERSON GOD SAYS HIS PEOPLE ARE. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO STAND FOR GOD BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS FALLING FOR SIN. AND ALTHOUGH MY SPIRIT THIRST FOR HIM MY FLESH THIRST FOR THE DESIRES OF THE WORLD. SEE BUT EVEN WITH THE WORLDLY THINGS DEEP DOWN I'M STILL NOT SATISFIED WITH MY LIFE. ARE THEIR PEOPLE OUT THE WHO ARE JUST COMPLETELY SATISFIED WITH THEIR LIVES?IF SO I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU. I DONT LOOK AT MY LIFE LIKE A SAD CASE BUT SORTA LIKE A WAIST IF I DONT ALLOW GOD TO CLEAN ME UP AND RENEW IN ME A GOOD HEART. I KNOW IF I DON'T START MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES THEN MY LIFE WILL TRULY BE A DIASTER BUT FOR ME I THINK IT IS EASILY SAID THEN DONE. I COME FROM A VERY CLOSE FAMILY WHO LOVE EACHOTHER DEARLY. I MYSELF I DRINK, SMOKE CIGARETTES, WORK, AND TRY TO RAISE MY CHILD AND BE A GOOD MOTHER. I AM NOT STATING THESE THINGS TO SAY I AM PROUD OF THEM BECAUSE IM NOT BUT THESE ARE SOME OF THE REASONS WHY I THINK THAT GOD WON'T DWELL IN MY TEMPLE. ALTHOUGH HE SAYS COME AS YOU ARE I HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME NOT LEAVING THE SAME AS I CAME. I MEAN IN MY HEAD EVERYTHING THAT GOD DESIRES OF ME MAKES SINCE THE THINGS THAT HE SAYS THE THINGS THAT HE REQUIRES THE THINGS THAT HE HAVE SHOWN ME LET'S ME KNOW THAT THEIR IS A GOD BUT I KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING THAT IM NOT DOING THAT'S KEEPING ME FROM HAVING A STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. I GUESS DEEP DOWN IM STARTING THIS BLOG NOT ONLY TO WRITE BUT TO SELF SEARCH AND HOPEFULLY INSPIRE ANOTHER OR SOME ONE WILL INSPIRE ME. I HAVE GOOD QUALITIES TOO I AM GIVING I LIKE TO SEE OTHERS HAPPY AND TO MAKE PEACE. I HAVE DEAR FRIENDS ONE WHO INSPIRES ME DAILY AND WHOM I SEE GOD CONSTANLY TRANSFORMING. PEOPLE WHO ARE CONCERNED WITH MY WELL BEING AND MY CHOICES IN LIFE. I OFTEN HEAR PEOPLE TELL ME THAT GOD IS GOING TO USE YOU AND YOURE GOING TO BE GREAT SOMETIMES I WONDER DO THEY REALLY KNOW ME? BASICALLY IM TIRED OF BEATING MY SELF UP WITH THIS SO FROM THIS DAY IM GOING TO SEEK GOD AND ASK HIM TO REVEAL HIMSELF TO ME AND WHO I AM IN HIM. I AM PLANNING TO READ DAILY AND WRITE DAILY AND PRAY DAILY ASKING FOR GOD TO TRANSFORM MY LIFE AND TO USE ME. NOW I KNOW THINGS ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE OVER NIGHT AND I HOPE WHOEVER READS IT KNOWS THAT TOO AND I AM GOING TO PRAY RIGHT NOW THAT GOD BLESS MY WRITING AND THE PEOPLE WHO READS AND RESPONDS HERE. I WILL TRY TO COMMIT MYSELF TO WRITE IN DAILY NO LATER THAN 12:30 AND TELL ABOUT THE JOURNEYS AND STRUGGLES ALONG WITH THE BLESSINGS TAKING EVERYTHING DAY BY DAY .